Blonde Joke

A blonde went into a world wide message centre to send a messageto her mother overseas.
When the man told her it would cost 300, sheexclaimed, I don't have any money, "But I'd do ANYTHING to get amessage to my mother".The man arched an eyebrow (as we would expect).
"Anything?" he asked.
"Yes, yes, anything" the blonde promised.
"Well then, just follow me" said the man as he walked towards the nextroom.
The blonde did as she was told and followed the man.
Come in and close the door the man said.
She did.
He then said; Now get on your knees.
She did.
Now take down my zipper.
She did.
Now go ahead, take it out....he said.
She reached in and grabbed it with both hands then paused.
The man closed his eyes and whispered, Well then............ go ahead.
The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it and whileholding it close to her lips, tentatively said..........HELLO MUM ........................CAN YOU HEAR ME??

Todays Fun

Who or what did he mean ?
A young woman married and had 13 children. Her husband died. She soon married again and had 7 more children. Again, her husband died. But, she remarried and this time had 5 more children. Alas, she finally croaked. Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed to the Lord above, thanking him for this loving woman who fulfilled his commandment to "Go forth and multiply." In his final eulogy, he noted, "Thank you Lord, they’re finally together." Leaning over to his neighbour, one mourner asked... "Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?" The other mourner then replied... "I think he means her legs."
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Embarass me at you PERIL

A very shy guy goes for a drink at his local gay bar and sees a cute young lad alone at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to him and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?" To which the young lad responds by yelling, at the top of his lungs, "No, I won’t sleep with you!" Everyone in the bar stared at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the young lad walks over to him and apologises. He smiles at him and says, "I’m sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I’m a graduate student in psychology and I’m studying how people respond to embarrassing situations." To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "WHAT YA MEAN YOU WANT 200 QUID FOR A BLOW JOB?"
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Moan Moan Moan That's all I ever hear

George came home from work, sat down in his favourite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his b/f Cyril "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts." Cyril looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished it, George said, "Quick, bring me another beer, It’s gonna start." This time Cyril looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it was gone, George said, "Quick, another beer before it starts." That’s it! Cyril blows his top! "You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don’t even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave fetching you beers. Don’t you realize that I cook, clean, wash and iron all day long?" George sighed, "Oh no, it’s f*ckin started!!"
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Dear lord please help ME

One day a non-believer of Jesus was walking through the woods and this bear charges him and the guy trips and he says "Dear lord please help ME". So the guy opens his eyes and time was frozen and Jesus was standing above him and Jesus says "You ask me for help? You try to make people believe I’m not real and protest against me and when your about to die you ask me for help!?" the guy was like " I guess your right.... so could you make the bear a Christian?" Jesus says "I suppose so" and time unfreezes and Jesus is gone and the bear stops and puts his head down and puts his hands together and says "Dear lord thank you for this food I am about to receive........"
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NO ANIMALS ALLOWED

A man and his wife are returning from holiday, where they’d decided to buy themselves some pets. He bought a snake while his wife bought a baby skunk. As they are passing through airport control they notice a sign which says "NO ANIMALS ALLOWED THROUGH CUSTOMS" Slightly distressed the woman turns to her husband and asks what they should do. After thinking hard for 5 minutes the husband comes up with a plan. "What I’ll do", he said, "is tie the snake around my waist and try to pretend that it’s a snake skin belt" "Yes", his wife replies, "but what about the skunk?" "I don’t know, it’s small enough, you’ll just have to hide it in your panties" "But what about the smell?" the wife asks. To which the husband replies, "F*ck the smell, if it dies it dies!"
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Got anything smaller

One rainy night, a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the shadows of an alley. Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped into the cab and slammed the door. Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet, naked woman sitting in the back seat. "Where to?" he stammered. "Garden Street," answered the woman. "OK," he said, taking another long glance in the mirror. The woman caught him staring at her and asked, "Just what the hell are you looking at?" "Well ma’am”, replied the driver, “I noticed that you’re completely naked, and I was just wondering how you’ll pay your fare." The woman spread her legs, put her feet up on the front seat, smiled at the driver and said, "Does THIS answer your question?" Still looking in the mirror, the cabbie asked, "Got anything smaller ?"
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Pay attention

You'll be pleased to know that I've had enough tonight. I'm oft to bed oftA group of first-year medical students is gathered around an operating table for their first anatomy lesson with a dead body. “As a doctor, you’ll need to develop two key skills,” the professor begins. “The first is stoicism. You can’t be disgusted by anything involving the human body.” The professor then rolls the body over, sticks his finger into the corpse’s butt, withdraws it and sticks his finger in his mouth. “Now do the same,” he instructs. The horrified students hesitate, but eventually take turns dipping a finger into the cadaver’s anus and then sucking on it. When everyone has finished, the professor continues, “The second skill is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and then I sucked on my index finger. Pay attention.”
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I just sat behind him

An young guy from New York is driving through a remote part of Texas when his car breaks down. A few minutes later, an Indian on horseback comes along and offers him a ride to a nearby town. He climbs up behind him on the horse and they ride off. Every few minutes, the Indian lets out a whoop so loud that it echoes from the surrounding hills. When they arrive in town, the Indian lets him off at a service station and yells one final “Yahoo!” before riding off. “What did you do to get that Indian so excited?” the service-station attendant asks. “Nothing,” The cute guy says, “I just sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist and held on to his saddle horn so I wouldn’t fall off.” “Boy,” the attendant says, “Indians ride bareback.”

All About Me

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name:	Adrian Orr
Birthday:	5th May
Birthplace:	Plymouth
Current Location:	Brighton!!!!!!!!
Eye Color:	Green and Blue
Hair Color:	Light Brown (Natural) but I am thinking of going blonde again!!
Height:	5ft 11
Right Handed or Left Handed:	Right
Your Heritage:	The Irish
The Shoes You Wore Today:	My New Boots
Your Weakness:	Some times I can like a guy to quickly and get hurt
Your Fears:	Heights and small spaces
Your Perfect Pizza:	Pepperoni!!!!
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	Getting A Job
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	LOL
Thoughts First Waking Up:	Where is my Coffee and Fag
Your Best Physical Feature:	My Eyes, So people say
Your Bedtime:	most of the time after midnight at some point
ffffff Most Missed Memory:'	Times with Ryan RIP
Pepsi or Coke:	Pepsi
MacDonalds or Burger King:	MacDonalds
Single or Group Dates:	Single, maily because I am always single, and all my friends are dating!
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	Ice Tea Is Nice
Chocolate or Vanilla:	Chocolate!!!!!
Cappuccino or Coffee:	COFFEE!!!!!
Do you Smoke:	Yes
Do you Swear:	Who Doesn't
Do you Sing:	Yes, but so many do it better!!!
Do you Shower Daily:	As I don't have a shower no, but I have a bath everyday!!!
Have you Been in Love:	Yes
Do you belive in yourself:	Most of the time
Do you get Motion Sickness:	Not that I know of
Do you think you are Attractive:	No, but lots of people say that I am!
Are you a Health Freak:	Like to think I am
Do you get along with your Parents:	Now I have moved out yes!!!!
Do you like Thunderstorms:	Love them, especially if you are on the beach watching them!!!
Do you play an Instrument:	Used To
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	Ummmmmm................Well only a Little ;)
In the past month have you Smoked:	Yes I have
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	Absolutly Not
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	I wish!!
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	I had a Packet yesterday
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	Yes! Went to Yo Sushi, was unreal
In the past month have you been on Stage:	Yes I sang, Whitney Houston I wanna Dance with somebody!!
In the past month have you been Dumped:	I have to have a partner first
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	Not this month no hehehehe
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	Not that I know of
Ever been Drunk:	Of Course Not I am sweet and innocent LOL
Ever been called a Tease:	Yes..........inly because I kept avoiding the bloke
Ever been Beaten up:	Unfortunalty, But I got them back
Ever Shoplifted:	Yes........in the years gone by
How do you want to Die:	In my bed not regretting a single moment of my life
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	Not sure, I will tell you when I get there
What country would you most like to Visit:	Australia
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:	Blue or Brown
Favourite Hair Color:	Not that bothered
Short or Long Hair:	Either as long as it is clean
Height:	Someone around my height
Weight:	Not bothered
Best Clothing Style:	As long as they don't look like they are about to beat up a granny, who cares???
Number of Drugs I have taken:	Weed
Number of CDs I own:	Way to many, but shareaza is the best thing to man
Number of Piercings:	I have two, and I am hoping to get a few more!!!
Number of Tattoos:	I will be just got to find the design
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	Not a single one, because If I didn't do it I wouldn't be here now!!!
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

New Years Resolutions

I have decided for once to share my new years resolutions with the rest of the world:

1 - Head to the gym (Just to Bulk up)

2 - Pass college (Lets hope the second time works)

3 - Get my writing noticed

4 - Find this surposed Perfect guy

5 - Have as much fun as possible

6 - Meet as many new people as I can in Brighton

Love

I get many people asking me if what they are feeling is love?!

The answer I would normally give to these people would be that only you can answer that question, mainly because I am not you, I can't see what you do, nor can I hear or feel.

However, for me I would have to say, if I was in love, the first person I would think about when I got up in the morning would be him, and when I see him, I would feel like I am falling into infinity, and they would catch me once I have fell, even the hearing of there name would bring a smile to your face.

I would have to say if you feel the same things, I do about a partner then I would have to believe that you are in deep meaning full love.

When in love try to have as much fun as you possibly can!!!